Sadness...

Today I feel sad.
I hope I can shake it soon.
Sometimes writing helps clarify thought and feeling.
I hope you don't mind.

You might know,
I want to have children,
I want to teach them, love them, help them to grow,
I want to help them understand the world, find happiness and reach their potential.

I don't want to get pregnant though.
I don't want the stress,
I don't want the thought of an impending miscarriage,
I don't want the sadness.

There are other options,
Some we are looking at,
That is not the easy route though,
There are processes and stresses involved in those process too.

Besides feeling sorry for my self today,
I think I might have a little fertility envy.
Oh, how blessed and lucky are those that can conceive and carry without hinderance.
If this is you, offer a prayer of gratitude will you?

Me, I will try and think of the things I am grateful for.
Will you share yours with me too?
It might help me recognise some of mine,
And clear this thundercloud that seems to be hanging over my soul today.