Sunday, May 1, 2011

Oh so high, oh so low...

It is the wee hours of the morning.
My husband is snoring.
I am tired and frustrated.
But also grateful that he is here.
He makes hard times bearable.

We were so lucky to have made a little baby.
There were tears of happiness,
Sadly that turned to tears of dispare
When we learned that this baby too had died.

I feel beaten up.
I have no idea how I can do this again.
I tried to be positive and focus on good things,
But really it was such a stressful time.
How can I do that again?
I feel so defeated now.
How can I do this all again?

I watched my husband watch a friend with his small daughter,
I know how much he would love to be a father,
Can I really do this again?
Why does my body seem to work against me?
Will it be any different next time?
Will the many vials of blood taken the other day give answers?
Is there something more I can do?
Where do I find hope?

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