Feelings - The Latest Cycle

Scared of not getting pregnant,

Scared of getting pregnant,

Scared of my emotions.

I wondered how I would cope with it all,

I wondered how I would cope with another disappointment,

I wondered how I could control things I cannot.

Yesterday, I decided to focus on the present,

Yesterday, I decided to be happy with my life,

Yesterday, I felt the first flutterings of excitement.

The Insidious Nature of Fear

How do we control fear?

How do we stop fear undermining hope, peace and confidence?

How do we allow assurance to win and fear to loose?

The dominate feeling during this IVF process has been one of positiveness and calm.

I feel happy and confident.

The effects of the drugs have not been anything near what I envisaged.

I pictured

turmoil of emotion,

my husband wanting to avoid my mood swings,

me feeling intensely guilt for being irritable and

(forgive me for swearing) impatience beyond all reason.

I have not felt that.

I have felt peace, calm, and assurance that all is well.

I have felt excitement as one phase ends and another begins .

Yesterday I felt a shift that was not welcome.

I felt inclings of fear and doubt.

Entered the unwlecome thoughts of;

"what if..."

what if this hasn't worked

what if my body doesn't respond

"what if...".

Fear is insidious IF you let it in.

I'm NOT letting it in!