The Story!

When I had my ultrasound ar 7wks I was told that everything was ok. There was a fetal heart beat and that is all they would look for at that stage. For any of you who have struggled to have a child you may understand the relief I felt hearing those words.

I asked again:

Is there anything to be concerned about?

No bleeding?

Things look good?

The answer was a repetition of the earlier statement:

What we would want to see at this stage is a fetal heart beat and we have that.

Oh, can you imagine my happiness at hearing those words!

The relief,

The joy,

The excitement!

My whole world came crashing down the next morning. I was looking for a lovely picture of the embryo to show off when I came across the report from the ultrasound. A complete reversal of emotion in one split second - from joy to devastation.

Oh no, please no!

I don't want to do this again!

I don't want to loose another baby!

Please, nooo!

I want this pregancy!

I want this baby!

Please, help me!

Please, please, no, no ,nooo!!!!

I don't want to do this all again.

Please!

A week of waiting beings.

A week until the 8wk scan.

A week of praying.

A week of hoping.

A week of sadness.

Oh please, help this baby grow strong and healthy.

The inevitable happens -

The 8 wk scan.

But I think I'll continue that story later.

My heart hurts a little at the moment.

Broken hearted...

Not very talkative today.

Follow-up scan yesterday showed the embryo had died.

Will tell more later.

I am...

Exhausted,

Worried,

Scared,

And I want to cry!

I am trying to be:

Happy,

Hopeful,

And faithful.

When is this a "sure thing"?

When the baby is my arms.

This is hard.

Be patient and tolerant...

Ta da!!!

That little blob inside the dark blog is the embryo!

Anticipation....

First ultrasound on Monday!!!

So excited!!!

Shaylie!

I love this little girl.

She is very brave,

funny,

kind,

and ever so cute.

Penny for them?

I would be rich if I had a penny for everytime I have thought

something baby related over the last week!

What was that?

Was that a good twinge?

Was that a bad twinge?

I haven't felt a twinge in awhile - what does that mean!

I feel sick- oh good!

I am not feeling sick at the moment - what does that mean!

Boobies aren't sore,

Infact I think they have shrunk!

I know, I know!

Stop worrying!

Fertility treatment means an increased awareness of your body.

You notice every twinge and twiggle!

It also means that things haven't come easy.

Something gained is treasured,

And the fear of loosing that treasure is real.